I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
