my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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