Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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