it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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