ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
