Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
