You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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