i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
