Sry I called you an 8
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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