awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
