i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
