I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
