I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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