I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
