Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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