i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
