i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
