In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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