he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
