Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Randomize
