Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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