this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
