Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
