Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Text me some of your sweat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
