You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
