We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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