At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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