All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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