I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
