Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
