and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
