I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
