Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
