my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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