Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
