I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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