What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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