His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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