Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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