i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
zippers are such a cool invention
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
