I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
