I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
