So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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