I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
