I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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