Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
