What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
