absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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