I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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