I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
