Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
