I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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