dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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