Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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