it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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