It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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