whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
